


pale as a midwestern scene kid during winter

by gl_bgolyb



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Self-Indulgent, a lot of implied stuff ngl, alternate self jealousy, it's 2 am, mentioned permadeath, mentioned relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gl_bgolyb/pseuds/gl_bgolyb
Summary: Karkat gets stuck in a barn during a storm, fantasizes about selfcest, and feels vaguely pale for a catgirl.





	pale as a midwestern scene kid during winter

**Author's Note:**

> in my defense i typed all of this fucking mess with my thumbs code included and am lowkey dead so oops
> 
> also what's editing it's 2 am fuck that noise

'Twas a dark and stormy night. All was shitty, including but not limited to the weather. To be fair, the weather wasn't particularly sentient--regardless, it was still acting like a fucking twat, and this alone was enough to piss off even the gentlest of meteorologists. 

Karkat Vantas was not a gentle meteorologist. He didn't even fully understand science, not even when it was horrifically misconstrued and bastardized via his favorite cinematic romantic dramedies as a kitschy subplot in order to keep the viewers interested. No, Karkat didn't even pay attention to _those_ vaguely scientific subplots. He was all about the passion struck eyes of the young vacillating couplings, especially when there were at least six separate parties with clear differentiating personalities. Troll romance is some deep shit, and Karkat was gander bulb deep in fecal matter. 

On that evening, the former and never actually properly ascended Knight of Blood was busy ignoring Dave, who had requested for absolutely no interaction of any sort for three full days. Such a feat was nearly impossible given Karkat's very intense dependency on sucking on the teat of the mind flustering capabilities of Strider's presence, but his boyfriend (for lack of better and more elaborate Alternian vernacular) had seemed urgent in the way he swallowed, pushing his aviator sunglasses to the bridge of his nose, mentioning that his ecto-twin was in need of some serious support of a nearly pale nature. Karkat didn't question it and then set off to visit a friend of his own. 

Of course, Karkat was not an ascended Knight and was incapable of flying, let alone driving a car without screaming at the top of his lungs with deep seeded rage. Instead he tried walking to John's house, and instead of actually getting there safe and unscathed, he was trapped in an abandoned oinkbeast barn while the worst thunderstorm of the century took place outside. The appropriately shitty lighting and overwhelming stink of desecration would've been overpowering to the strongest of trolls after a few hours, and the lack of a proper internet connection or even 3G would send anyone into a downward spiral of depression. But Karkat was not a strong troll, or even strong by pretty much anyone's standards. Tall, yes, but about as intimidating as a pissed off cat, so...really fucking adorable, even when ready to throw down. 

TL;DR: Karkat was stuck in a barn, and it sucked _chode_. 

Karkat shivered and stared at the opposing wall with an irate expression, his thick brows furled and teeth bared to no one besides the ghost of his past self, that is to say, his current body. God, selfcest was so wrong, but it felt so _right._ Truly a romantic wonder despite the connotation of being a -cest. What the fuck was so wrong with wanting to hatefully caress your former self? What kind of delinquent monster of a ruler decided that a little healthy narcissism couldn't be taken to an incestuous degree? For the love of all that was fantasy, that's all it was for Karkat--deep and passionate, his hands connecting with twin mutant palms as their bodies writhed like snakes overcome with ostentatious desire, red upon red, gray skin slick with sweat and pre-slurry as the knights squared-- 

"Karkat! I didn't expect to see _you_ here!" 

The troll looked up in alarm from the middle distance, cheeks still wet with perspiration from his all encompassing hypothetical erotic thoughts. Floating above him, glowing softly in the dark of the barn, was...Cat Rose. Rose Cat? The alternate timeline Rose who died and became a sprite and then fused with the sprite of her dead cat. Karkat wasn't exactly familiar with her or why she still existed post-game, but at least her appearance wasn't seizure inducing anymore. Whacky ass cosmic game mechanics. "Um. What the fuck do you mean? Why are you in this barn?" 

Jasprosesprite^2 looked almost offended before bursting into a peals of laughter. The sound wasn't entirely organic. "Haha, you're right! I ne _furr_ got around to telling you about my new residence. Isn't it quaint?" 

"If by quaint you mean 'dilapidated barn that reeks of shit years after use', then yes, Cat Lalonde. This setup is completely fucking quaint." Karkat glared a bit in her direction, but not entirely out of distaste. Not having to deal with impending murder and uncertainty had made him chill his tits a bit and realize that people were much more complicate than an amalgamation of preexisting tropes. If anything he was worried. "Anyway, where the fuck have you been, Rose?" 

"Jasprose," she corrected instantly, a bit of bite not entirely translucent. "I've been here, Karkat, enjoying life to its fullest. Solitude does wonders for personal growth. You should try it sometime." 

There was a flash outside followed by rolling thunder. 

"Yeah, abso-fucking-lutely not," said Karkat. He squinted as she sat down next to him, her eyes looking at him with a form of eagerness that seemed almost hungry for validation. "On the contrary, you should try talking to people and visiting us more often. I'm sure Dave would want to bitch at you." 

"I'm...not sure that's really a good idea," she said. "I mean. I don't know. He already has one Rose to deal with, right? And she's his Rose." 

"You said yourself that you're not Rose," said Karkat with a frown. "And what do you mean, 'his' Rose? If anything they're equals in the fact that they're both complete fucking messed who forget that eating is a necessary thing for humans." 

_(It was sort of a big deal)_

"It's more complicated than that, Karkat," said Jasprose. The bite was back in her words, and she almost ceased glowing entirely. "Like. Roxy has adjusted to this timeline well, and John is _managing_ at least, but I'm not even classified as the same species as them, and there isn't a _use_ for a clone of her or any of you." 

"You're not a clone! You're like...furry. And funny in a way that isn't heavy handed as fuck." 

"Yeah, Rose is a bitch, but she's at least alive!" exploded Jasprose, throwing her hands up in the air before bringing her claws back to her face. "She has blood that doesn't flash fucking neon and is capable of _some_ regulation and she doesn't--" 

She silenced as thunder cracked again. Karkat watched her chest rise and fall, long slope of her nose hidden behind her hands, before she looked back at him with tears like rhinestones falling off her round cheeks. "She gets to see her Kanaya." 

Oh, fuck. That was definitely above Karkat's pay grade, let alone the media he consumed like licorice scotty dogs. He didn't even know how solid things were at the time between the Lalonde/Maryam camp--Dave was hardly called over unless things were intense (the last incident had been when they realized that human/troll hybrids were not feasible via ectobiology)--but Jasprose seemed completely emotionally fucked by the notion of happiness for an alternate. A papping was in order. 

Karkat had never exactly touched a sprite before, let alone a sprite squared, but Jasprose felt...almost human. She had shoulders like Dave's, but there was a certain softness between the blades, almost a vibration of warmth from her neck, and light tufts of fur along her spine. He held her and patted and soothed for a few minutes, and she tensed up before melting in his arms and shaking. 

Outside, the worst of the storm was over, rain still falling steadily but not as bad as it had been. Karkat sighed and rubbed Jasprose's back, expecting her to stand up when he realized that she was purring and most definitely asleep. "Fuck," he mumbled, closing his eyes and drifting off to the sound of the rain. "Fuck."


End file.
